If you're finding yourself getting frustrated or discouraged about a change you've been working towards, ask yourself two crucial questions:

 1.      Who am I hanging out with?

2.       How do I choose to spend my time?

 You probably need to make some conscious changes in these two areas.

WHO AM I HANGING OUT WITH?

It's difficult to change a habit or go for something new if you have people around you who would prefer you to keep to the status quo, or don't understand the new direction you're taking.

You need to be able to feel and envision the new way your life is going to be. The more you can be in the energy, talk, and actuality of the new way of being, the easier it will be for you to remain excited about your intention and believe that it can happen. Therefore you want to make sure that the people you're spending time with can be a part of the new life energy.

If you're a lawyer, for example, but have decided that you want to find more time to seriously pursue your unused talent in the arts, don't expect yourself to be in "legal world" all day, and then miraculously be painting like a genius when you get home.

You'll want to start building in some time with like-minded people. Find others who are also interested or active in the arts.  Go to exhibits, join an arts group, or make new friends that are enthused about using their creative abilities too.

*** 

Perhaps it's an internal, spiritual change you're making. You'll stay on your path more easily if you spend time with others who make their spiritual or personal development a priority.  If the greater part of your day is filled with people who are interested in other things, you'll tend to be distracted by those other things too.

You don't have to drastically drop everyone you're associating with. Nor do you have to label those who don't share your goals as "bad"!  But do start having a greater awareness of who you're spending time with, and their ability to support you and your intention.

Do your friends take seriously your new goal, what you're trying to create, and who you're trying to be? Do you feel positive feelings from them when you talk about it? After being with others, has your energy increased, or do you feel drained?

 ***

It's not the responsibility of others to make changes for you. But you do need energetic, verbal, and tangible action support from the people around you as much as possible in this transition time.

If you feel that you're an alien among strangers, don't give up. It's time to go out and find new like-minded aliens. You deserve "your people."

HOW DO I CHOOSE TO SPEND MY TIME?

I focused on the need for supportive people first because I believe they're the greatest influence on your ability to make life changes. But even if you have as much support as humanly possible, you can't expect to magically make the change you want. You, yourself, must take tangible action.

Changing life habits  requires new input, either through learning about the new area you're entering, taking action steps towards creating the new reality, or providing the energetic and visual environment that will nurture and support that which you want to happen. And all of those things take time. How do you spend yours?

Think of the change you've started or are yearning to make. Have you changed your lifestyle to do it? You'll need to.

 ***

Suppose, for example, that you've decided you want to write more. You tell yourself you're going to do it every night after dinner. And each night after eating you continue to turn on the TV, telling yourself that you'll get to it after this show, when you've had more rest, or after your work slows down.

You probably already have every hour of your day informally committed to something. So something's going to have to change in order to create the space for your new lifestyle.

Stop and take a look at how you've been spending your time recently. There are always choice points, times in the day when you can choose to do what you always do or start doing the new thing that leads to what you want, and will really change your life.  Look at your habits, ways in which you spend time without even thinking about it. Did you really need to spend that half hour surfing the Internet? Or could you have used that time to sit down and meditate like you've been meaning to?

*** 

Recognizing that you're at a choice point doesn't always mean that you know exactly what to do. If you don't have a plan, just congratulate yourself on seeing that you need help in changing your pattern. And then go get that help! 

Seek counseling/coaching, get more information, or find other avenues of support. And then keep on recognizing the choice points, and deliberately changing your old pattern. Gradually, you'll start changing how you fill that time so it's in alignment with how you truly want to live.

*** 

Each week, day, week, or moment continually offers you choice points, times where you either can start to live in your new way of being, or put off that change for later. Which will you do?

Consciously choose to create your life. Don't expect it to miraculously change if you hang out in old consciousness, make no space for the new, and continue to live the way you've always lived.

 Ask yourself daily:

     *        Who am I hanging out with?

    *         How do I spend my time?

 
And bravely do what is necessary to make room for change.

 So stop procrastinating and indulge in some help, inspiration, and old-fashioned support. If you need some testing to determine your life/career direction, I have them. Plus a lot of other tricks up my sleeve that you'll enjoy and that will expand and uplift your spirit. 

 Check my website for more information about all of my services.

 I'll look forward to your call (or e-mail, of course!)

h. 

We know that it's good to take time for ourselves. We try to have inner lives. But unfortunately, we live in a society that basically expects us to go go go. So I'm not surprised that when I suggest to a stressed out, anxious client that they need to take a break, they quickly answer "I have no time," "I just can't leave work right now", or version 100 of "my family/husband/mother needs me".

But when will there be time? If we don't put our own self care, and the care of our souls as top priority, how can we expect to continually have energy for others?

In order to have a long-term base of energy, we need time to rest from the stressors of life, to nurture ourselves. We need to acknowledge that we aren't robots who can continue clicking away in the same routine, with the same amount of energy every day (high and intense, of course) for years on end.

We also need time to rejoice in the wonderful things that we've created; to be grateful for the the things we've done. Appreciating where we've been, and the gifts we have will form a wonderful base for knowing what the next steps can be in our lives.

While most of us wouldn't expect to start a new business without taking some time to define what it is that we intend to do, we often expect ourselves to live our lives with little time to explore our essence and the path we want to take.

If we're to live our Truth, become who we want to be, and create lives that truly benefit others,  we must have time to discover who we are. We need time to see what's keeping us from being our ultimate selves, what isn't working in our lives, and what to do next.  

A few years ago, I was very much in need of a retreat. I had been through a series of life changing events, and looking back, can see that I was obviously experiencing a major shift in my life. I couldn't acknowledge it though. Through crisis after crisis, I thought that if I just kept on working and persevering, toughing out the hard stuff, that this phase would soon be through.  I could then get back to my "normal" life. I didn't realize my "normal" life was over.

I look at that time and ask myself why I didn't stop to take a break. Finances, of course. Or so I told myself. How could I justify "taking time off" when I needed to bring in new clients, pay for home repairs, and replace my stolen car?

Of course these things were important. But there was something deeper at work, something else that was keeping me from taking time for myself, from stepping out and living a life of Truth.

It was called the "good person syndrome."  

In the "good person syndrome," the outer world takes priority. We make decisions based on what we've always been rewarded for being: "good." And being good usually involves living like everyone around us.  It leaves little permission for us to connect with our inner lives, find our true desires, and then test out what we really believe is our unique way to contribute to the world.

Do you have the "good person syndrome"? Check and see if the following (faulty) unconscious personal rules may be why you, too, find it hard to make time for retreat:  

1.         Your life goals should not be based on happiness. Concepts like life purpose and soul satisfaction are for wimps and new-agers. You have a "station" in life, and it's wasteful dreaming to strive for anything better. Having a job and being able to pay the bills is the most you could ask for. You should be grateful; expecting more from life is frivolous.

2.         Happiness comes from fulfilling your life's role. And you should stick to only one role. Don't have a lot of different interests, it's confusing and defines you as a flake. Oh, and by the way, don't think you can choose your role. Do what is "right": what your parents, friends, and neighbors approve of. (Breadwinner role is the ultimate.)

3.         You should always make everyone else happy first. You can do things for yourself only in the time left over (but of course, there's rarely time left over.)  Claiming the right to nurture yourself or question what you really want in life is selfish.

4.         Making a living and having money is the highest priority, regardless of whether it wears you out physically, or erases your spirit. Even if you're having an emotional break-down or heading for major illness, you must persevere.

Have you believed these things? Can you see how they would stop you? After years of being rewarded by living them (what a good person you are!) no wonder your people pleaser rebels when you think of taking time for yourself.

So how "good" are you? Is it time to be "bad" and take a break?

I think it's time to examine your need to be "good." Where does it serve you? When is it knee-jerk, and not really helping anyone? Are you protecting and conserving your energy so you can take care of those you love, or are you letting it leak (or gush) out leaving you weak and cranky?

It's time for personal reflection, nurturing, & self-discovery. Whether it's in the form of just 5 minutes' meditation, an interesting class, energy work, or a nurturing retreat, plan for your relaxation & rejuvenation.

Reflect on your reasons for putting this off. Give that programmed self a holiday. And begin to create a new way of being "good," releasing your unique spirit, talents, and the love you have inside.

Take a retreat…take time to be "bad." Can you find the time?

Woke up, it was a Tuesday morning and the first thing that I felt…was discouragement.

Yes, discouragement. That dragging, cynical, nothing's ever going to work state of mind, where you start wondering why you're even trying.

I can't say I was surprised. I felt it coming. The day before it seemed everything went wrong; then the night came complete with bad dreams. Not exactly the formula for glowing happiness. But not earthshaking either, and certainly not anything
to change your life for. Just enough to trigger that pesky discouragement.

I'm sure you've also woken up discouraged…and then what did you do? Probably you soldiered on: smiling when people asked how you were, trudging ahead with the expected, all the while feeling that you must be the only one who has voices in your head saying you're doomed, it's just a matter of time, the sky is falling NOW.

I want to offer a different route. Which begins by reminding you of this: You're not the only one who gets discouraged. Especially if you're trying to make changes in your life, discouragement seems to be just part of the process. 

You'll have good days, you'll have bad; you'll have confidence, you'll have doubts. Part of becoming who we are involves encountering new adventures. While we hope they're always peak experiences, our growth and discovery come from the downsides too.

There's nothing wrong with minimizing discourage- ment, though, or having some tricks to get out of that state of mind, yes? So, drawing from my own day of discouragement, I thought I'd share with you some helpful perspectives and tips for moving out of the "doom state" and bringing in those peak experiences again.

1.         Step One: Basic Truth: Discouragement is a state of mind.

 
Feeling discouraged doesn't equal reality. By that I mean that if you feel like the world is falling down around you, it isn't necessarily true. It's just what your mind is choosing to think about reality on this particular day.

Listen to your mind. What is it saying? Typical statements are "I'll never be able to get past this." "This relationship will never work." "I'll be stuck forever." Has your life really changed that differently from two days ago when you were feeling positive, anticipating that things would work out, and having a good day?

Probably not. You may just be tired, needing support, or had a small setback, and that is triggering your negative mind talk.

You don't' have to change that mind talk right now. Just be aware that that's all it is: talk. It's not reality, it's a bad habit that you're learning to change, and we're going to find ways to get past it.

2.         Step Two: Allow yourself to be discouraged.

Our natural tendency when we're feeling bad is to deny the feeling, or to try to make it go away immediately. I'm not telling you to have a full blown pity party, but it's important to acknowledge your feelings. You're human! You have ups and downs, good days and bad days, and you really shouldn't try to be a robot. If you have to cry, do it. If you want to slam some pans around, or yell in the shower, do it. Recognize your feeling, so you can truly move past it, not make it go away and have it pop up inconveniently later in the day.

3.         Step Three:    Lower your Expectations Temporarily.

I'm not a morning person. I can get up early if it's required, but have to admit that even when I'm going on vacation to a place I'm really excited about, I don't jump out of bed with excitement. I don't know about you, but somewhere along the childhood path I got the message that I was supposed to be like Doris Day, flinging open the windows with the birds chirping and the sun shining. I can do that at 10 am, but rarely early in the morning, even on a good day. So if you wake up discouraged, don't try to meet that bright and sunny expectation. Allow yourself to be quiet, a little tired, and ease into the day.

4.         Step Four:      Change Up Your Routine.

This one may sound silly to you, but it works. Deliberately do things throughout the day that are different from your usual actions. If it's a work day, drive a different route. Take your lunch at a different time, or go to someplace you haven't been before. Even if you eat your lunch at home, go sit someplace different, or take it outside.

Discouragement is usually accompanied by the thought "This is never going to end, this is never going to change." So change your day to show your mind that it's wrong, even if it's a small start.

5.         Step Five:      Get Active.

Have you ever seen a hyperactive discouraged person? I think not. The feeling of discouragement usually slows you down physically. You may feel like doing nothing.

It's your call. Sometimes what you need is rest, and that will pull you out of your slump. But if you've rested and you still feel bad, then take some action. Endorphins are real:  their release during exercise really does make you feel better! Take a walk, do some yoga, swim, run… get your energy going.

If you can do something that has a tangible result, do it. Wash your car, clean your house, go run the errands you've been putting off. If you're at work, do something that is pleasurable, short, and has a definite end. Sometimes merely getting into physical action, especially something you enjoy, will shift your discouragement without your having to change anything.

6.         Step Six: Change Your Self Talk

If you've done all of the above, and still feel discouraged, it's time to look at your self talk again. Be sure to add this step to your action solution. We don't want you washing the car and repeating the mantra "I'm a failure, life sucks, things will never change."

What we do want is for you to be washing the car saying, "This is just temporary, this is not my whole life, there are solutions." Hey, get radical, and add some more positive thoughts: "I'm a great person no matter what is happening. I have value.  I have the power to change things."

The point is to remember that anything your mind is saying is not reality, it's just talk. The future's just an idea, no one really knows what will happen. And who says it has to be the negative outcome? If you're going to believe that whatever you say to yourself is true, then at least add the positive potential for reality into the mix.

Try this: for every negative prediction you say to yourself, you must next say the opposite. And then try to let your body feel the positive just as intensely as you've been feeling the negative.

7.         Step Seven: Get Some Help and Support

Hmm, still discouraged. OK, consider some new ways to be supported.  It's time to stop doing it alone. What might help to move you away from this state you're in? Do you need counseling, someone to help you get out of your confusion and see your options more clearly? Do you need to talk to your boss and let them know what's not working? Is it time to sit down and get honest with your spouse about something that's really important to you?

There's usually more than one solution to a problem. When you feel discouraged, it's often because you keep on trying the same one solution, instead of changing things up. Go back to step four, and apply it to your specific problem: what haven't you tried yet that may need trying?

8.         Step Eight: Apply Your Spiritual Practice

I can't tell you how often I have to remind people (and myself!) to use the spiritual practice they're aligned with. Do you believe in prayer? Ask for help! Have you been learning to meditate? Sit down and do it! Use that practice.

I'll never forget the time I was in the middle of an intense day of self-doubt, and a friend looked straight at me and said, "How's your faith?" It was a great reminder to go back to my values and my own spiritual belief system for support. We are not our material world challenges, we are spirit. Don't forget it.

9.         Step Nine: Remember, Tomorrow is Another Day

I used to think that Scarlett's grand pronouncement in the movie Gone with the Wind was such a naive thing to say. But actually, as long as you don't use it continually to avoid a problem, it can be quite helpful.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to wait and see what tomorrow brings. Take one step today, have a good dinner, some time with friends, a good night's sleep, and often you will then have new energy to bring to your challenge the next day.

"Patience, grasshopper." Be thankful for what you have now, take one step at a time, and look ahead to your future good.   

Heidi Straube, M.Ed., LPC

Copyright 2007

While it was originally designed to reflect my work in counseling and healing, where I help others to find their inner essence and express it in the outer world, it also serves to describe all of the other ways that I facilitate bringing inner truth and beauty into the outer world.

So with that in mind, please allow me to to introduce you to a visual expression of "Honoring Inner. Creating Outer.": My work in photography.

I've had a photography business for some time now, although I put it on hold for a few years as I took a break to live in New Mexico, work on my book, and generally regroup. But I'm back, and happy to be actively shooting for people again. I'll have a separate website soon dedicated to this, with its own blog, but in the meantime, here's the latest for you to to explore and enjoy…

Start with my original photography website here (on first page, click on "Portraiture.") You'll find samples of the work I've done with children, adults, and some traveling and serendipitous photos. All of these photos were shot in natural light, and hand printed by me in museum quality style.

While this website reflects my black and white work, I'm now also shooting in color digital. I'll have a  new photo website soon that will give you some samples of that work. In the meantime, you can see some of my color images at my two photo blogs, one in Greece , and one I've called the "Spiritual Traveler. "

When you've seen all of the still images you can handle, check out my sample "muvee." This is for those of you who want a memento of the event or family gathering that you would like to keep in your heart through pictures. I come and shoot the gathering, and then make a short muvee which you can keep for yourself, give to those who attended, and also give to those who couldn't. (Single photos are also available.) You can see a sample  here .

(It takes about 3 minutes to download this muvee…I've given you a full product sample. I'll be posting a shorter sample this week.)

I didn't want to neglect those of you who also yearn to "honor inner and create outer" (yes, you, the creative type!) So I'm also offering photography classes, including private instruction. I'm even available as your own personal muse!

A full listing of services is here.

Enjoy! Celebrate!

And call me when you, too, are ready to participate in the visual version of "Honoring Inner. Creating Outer."

Your tendency now is to jump in, ramp up that energy, and tackle what has been lacking.

But is this the best way to start the year?

Let's look at how you've been treating yourself. You've been running fast through the holidays, rising to the occasion, pushing yourself just a little harder to do something special….you did it!…and now when it's over, instead of taking a break, resting , and reflecting….you're jumping back up and running again.

It's a never ending cycle, eventually exhausting.  Is this how you really want to continue living your life?    

I'd like to propose a new priority this year, a different kind of New Year's resolution.

It may be exactly opposite from what you "think" you should do right now. But trust me; it can change your life. Here's the new resolution:

Slow Down. Relax. And Listen to Your Soul.

It's time to slow down, honor yourself and listen to what you really need. This is the perfect time to relax, claim your life, and reflect on what that means. Then, more clear and rested, you can start the new chapter of your life.

What am I calling the Soul? Of course there are many interpretations of the word, but I imagine it as the energetic piece of us that holds our Truth. It's the part of us that really knows what is needed and has the capacity to lead us to the highest calling in our lives.

The soul doesn't belong to any specific religion. It's personal, our own connection with the Divine, Intuition, or Knowing. If we listen, it will always point us in the direction that we know is how we truly want to be.

Think about the word "Soulful". What does it bring to mind? I have visions of people dancing, happy, full of life, and in touch with their greatest possibilities. Or I imagine a person with deep, deep love, bottomless compassion, and a vast understanding of the wonder and beauty of life. Whatever your version of "soulful;" it's usually quite appealing.

With such wonderful associations, you'd think it would be natural to put Soul connection as a top priority. Why, then, might you find it difficult to take even 5 minutes a day to slow down and listen?

Here are some thoughts and solutions to help you put soul listening as your top New Year's resolution:

1.     Barrier: In today's world, you receive far more support for your outer actions than your inner reflections.

Plain and simple, you'll get a whole lot more attention from people if you tell them, "I just made $5,000 today" or "I completed the project this afternoon" than if you say, "I just finished talking to my soul." Unfortunately, taking time to go within, becoming clear on who we are, and finding best action are not highly supported in this go go world. But the benefit is clear: the more you take time to reflect and be congruent with who you really are, the more you'll find yourself being clear, confident, and attracting best results.

The greatest leaders of the world did not accomplish what they did by continually going and going. They also spent quiet time reflecting, assessing, and considering "right action."

Solution: Honor your life choices as being just as important as world decisions. Balance the time you spend "doing" with time spent listening inside.

2.     Barrier: Listening to your soul may bring you thoughts you don't really want to hear.

While getting in touch with your soul sounds like a lovely, blissful experience, sometimes it will lead you to places you've been trying to avoid. You may, for example, know that your relationship is in trouble. You've been putting it off, but your soul says it's time to talk. You're scared and afraid of painful results…now you wish you had never slowed down and listened!

What kind of pain do you prefer? The long, drawn out kind which never stops, or the shorter, intense kind that has better things come afterward? Listening to your soul and acting on its guidance may cause disruption in your life, but it also brings a relief and opportunity for good that is blocked when you hold onto the old things that aren't working.

Solution: Remind yourself that the most spiritual thing you can do in life is to truly be all that you are. If you live your full potential, you will naturally be taking right action, and serving others.  Whether in career, marriage, or lifestyle, if you stay true to your soul, you will open the way for new, positive possibilities that are currently beyond your imagination.  

3.     Barrier: You may not be listening because you don't know how.

It's hard to hear inner guidance if you don't know how to do it. Has anyone ever taught you how to listen to your soul?

Start by noticing how your body feels when you're making a decision. Have you noticed how relaxed it feels when the decision is "right", and how tense you feel when you know you're not really behind what you've acted on? That's your soul talking through your body. It also talks to you through prayer and meditation.

Solution: Trust the signals of your body, and act on them more often. Pay attention to and use your intuition. Find a teacher, healer, or meditation class where you can explore soul listening more deeply. Honor your need for this skill just as much as your need for food on the table, and a roof over your head.

The ancient shamans believed that when a person was stressed, unhappy, or ill, it was because their soul was lost. The shaman's task was to go find the soul, and return it to the body.

I believe that your soul is probably not lost, but is more likely neglected and wandering because of your busy life. If you're willing to slow down and take time to listen, your soul will speak, guide you, and help you live the way you really want to live.

Slow down, relax, and listen. May 2007 be your most "soulful" year ever.

Heidi Straube, M.Ed., LPC has been helping people for over 20 years to live the lives they yearn for. A licensed psychotherapist, contemporary shaman, and healer, she gives "Soul Whispers" readings, sessions of relaxation, inspiration, and counseling to help people to slow down, listen, and be guided in career, relationships, and lifestyle choices. Call 713.521.1676 for appointments, visit  http://www.heidistraube.com/,  and register for her free teleseminar, "Have You Listened to Your Soul Lately? How to Hear the Whispers of your Soul and Guide your Life", January 17, 2007, from 7-8 PM CT.

Last week, in the beginning of her session, a client of mine said sadly, "I feel like such a failure." My heart went out to her; I had similar feelings when I made some major leaps in my own life. But now I know, and I want her to know:  A failure? Impossible.  Anyone who has the courage and awareness to step out, risk, and take the leap to create a passionate, meaningful life cannot be a failure. My client, in fact, is actually a reflection of success.

Perhaps you, too, are feeling like a failure, even as you are taking the steps that feel closest to your heart and creating a life that works for you. You may be feeling torn: As you do what feels right, there is still a nagging voice that is harassing you, putting you down, and making you feel like you are creating a new life not out of strength, but because of failure.

Let's talk about some of the reasons why you may be feeling this way and some tips for a new perspective.  

1.                  You haven't done things in the "expected" way.

Generally, if you live your life in a traditional manner, you receive support and affirmation. You are living in a way that everyone can recognize, understand, and know how to support.  If you get a promotion, everyone knows to get excited for you. If you buy a house, people congratulate you. Get married, have children, or buy a new car and you will most likely hear many versions of "Welcome to the club!"

If you step out of the usual lifestyle, however, you are not only experiencing the unfamiliar yourself, but you have plunged others into a new reality too. When you are living differently, people often do not understand what you are doing and don't recognize the "cues" for affirming your success. So they don't congratulate you on quitting your job, give you positive advice about pursuing your artwork, or act in all of the ways that they would know how to if you were making choices like them. What looks like disapproval may even just be the fact that they cannot imagine that they would be happy if they were taking the risks that you are taking. Here's the problem: Since you are not receiving the standard warm and fuzzy affirmations, you end up concluding that you must be a failure.

Of course you're not a failure, you're just different. Review the choices you have made (and why), remind yourself of your values, and reaffirm that living from your inner spirit is a good and honorable thing. Then seek others who are also living their lives from the inside out and who can provide you the support and encouragement that help you to continue on your path. Find a mentor, join like-minded groups, and continue to create your new direction.

2.         You don't have the usual symbols of success.

As you start living in a different manner, you yourself may not have the familiar signposts that previously signaled your success. For example, before if you were asked to be on an important committee, you could see that as a sign that people respected your work or valued your judgment. If you were approved for a mortgage, you knew that you had reached a certain level of success in order to qualify.

Now that you have started living a lifestyle that is self-created and totally unique to you, however, the same markers may not apply.  You will need to come up with your own definitions and indicators of success and not be relying on what, in some cases, are old and out-dated frameworks. Making more money, for example, a time-honored sign of success, may not make you feel as successful as when you rejoice in how much more you now travel, or take pleasure in your increased relaxation and happiness.

What is most important as you create your life is to recognize that true success is the act of living your deepest values. Spend time becoming clear on what is most important to you, and then take action to create your life accordingly.

3.      You aren't totally comfortable with the "new you."

It may take some time for your mind and body to become accustomed to the new image and lifestyle of the person you are becoming. This is an expected part of the change process, not a personal defect. Since we are usually most comfortable with the familiar, there is a tendency to become critical of ourselves if we are not 100 percent sure of the direction we are taking. Rather than assuming that you are a failure because you haven't been able to totally embrace your new direction or don't fully know what it is, remind yourself that you are a success because you have finally begun the steps of doing what is right for you.

4.      Things aren't moving as quickly as you expected.

We live in a culture that loves speed, often making it a major condition of success. Those who can produce the fastest are considered the winners. This may be true in a material, commercial sense, but it doesn't apply to personal inner change. You are a complex person, doing the biggest work of your life as you sift through the layers of what has always been done to find the essence of how you really want to live. Don't consider yourself a failure if your life hasn't changed overnight. Recognize that planting seeds, germination, and blossoming have their seasons, and that your "grand opening" will come

5.         Finally, if you remember nothing else, remember this:

                You can't possibly be a failure when you are exploring and living out who you are.

                If this is truly important to you, the failure may be if you don't do so.

Click here to play…

Enjoy..Thoughts and reflections welcome… 

Last week a client of mine who had signed up for a series of sessions with me e-mailed to say that he might need to postpone our meetings. "I really do want to make the leap and find the work that is right for me," he said, "but I'm just so busy with my current job. Could we wait and figure out what I want to really do with my life when things are not so hectic?"

Another client was in the initial stages of "taking the leap" with me. His homework was to begin the exercises in my workbook, taking first steps that would help him to find a new, fulfilling direction. At our scheduled appointment he said, "I haven't even looked at the workbook. I've just been so busy. Maybe I need to do all of this when I don't have so much going on."

I completely understand the dilemma of these two people. They obviously have a lot to juggle in their lives, many needs that demand attention. I'm sure you have come up against the same kind of frustrations. You know you need to make a change, you know you want to make a change, to make the leap into something you have always desired, but you keep putting it off. Here is what I said to the people above, and here is what I say to you:

"I completely understand. But if not now… when?"

When are you going to put first what is most important to your heart and soul? When do you think that you will "naturally" have time to really change your life?

Life is consuming. It fully takes our time, energy, and attention. It makes perfect sense to want to schedule personal work when things are not so hectic. But in my experience, life rarely slows down on its own. In fact, if anything, it seems to gain momentum if we don't take charge. Without awareness, our lives become faster and faster, until we feel like we are in a runaway train, searching for the brake.

If you are waiting for life to slow down before you do _____ (you fill in the blank: put in whatever it is that you have promised yourself that you will do to make yourself happy as soon as you have time, money, friends, etc.), I'm afraid that you'll be waiting for a long time. Life only slows down when we deliberately make it slower. Your life will be more manageable, stable, and satisfying when you make a commitment to taking the steps needed, no matter how tiny, to put into motion the changes that you want and yearn for.

Perhaps you already know this. But knowing and doing are two separate things. Why aren't you slowing your life down, and starting to make or at least explore the changes you want?  From working with hundreds of clients, here is what I have seen as a major block in moving from knowing you must find time to actually doing it:

You see the change you would like to make as a huge project. You fear that making this change will be even more time consuming and stressful than the responsibilities that you already have in your life. Although you may be stuck and unhappy, you think, "Why add even more stress to my life?"

Perhaps you want to quit the job that you are totally bored with and finally open that restaurant you always dreamed of. It's totally overwhelming, however, to imagine planning and executing all of the details: buying land, finding a building or builder, designing the concept, acquiring investors, creating menus, and on and on PLUS work at your 60 hour a week job. How can you do it all? So you wistfully dream the dream, but take no steps toward it, as you continue to commit your time to the work that does not thrill you.

There is a way to keep your life stable, fulfill your responsibilities, and still change your life without losing everything.

How?

By taking the change that feels so huge and breaking it down into small, manageable steps.

Although you may have the spiritual enthusiasm to make a major life change, your current circumstances may truly not allow that change to happen overnight. Also, besides intensely desiring to "take the leap", you may equally fear that by doing so you will lose everything. You can minimize that fear and integrate changes into your familiar lifestyle more easily if you allow yourself the safety of taking small steps.

To begin your life change adventure, take the easiest and most attractive step you can think of. Let yourself enjoy this beginning! Then, taking more small steps, let your excitement build. Feel the satisfaction that comes from completing actions, and the inner richness that occurs when you are creating what is really right for you. Test what fits, what does not, and revise your direction as you go along. You'll find that as your momentum builds, it becomes easier and easier to "find the time." And as your vision becomes real and you continue the process, the steps will fall into place, with the momentum naturally carrying you through the leap into your new life.

 Taking smaller, pleasurable steps, my "homework client" committed to 3 workbook pages a week, instead of the whole workbook at once. The other client decided to begin with the less time consuming but fascinating interest inventories. They are now both firmly on the path to taking the leap. What can you do? Take a moment right now, and think of the most enjoyable first step you could take to begin a change you have been yearning for.  Wanting new work? Write down what you want so you can clearly tell someone who could help you. Desiring more spiritual time? Meditate 5 minutes tomorrow morning. Take a step, no matter how small, day by day, week by week, year by year.

Your yearning for "more" is an essential part of your being. Don't back off because it feels too big to handle. The fact that it feels big is a reflection of your own magnificence, the expansiveness of your being. Nurture your dream; make time for it. And if you are tempted to wait until later, remember: "If Not Now… When?"