Heidi Straube

Have a project you want to do but can't get started? Set a timer for a short period of time, 15 minutes to an hour. Tell yourself you only have to do this new task for that period of time and then you can stop and go do something else (and mean it!). Watch what happens. Most times you'll get engaged and end up wanting to continue. Still resisting? Stop and meditate for 5-10 minutes. Try again. If  you still can't get into the flow, perhaps you don't want to do this new thing as much as you thought you did! Or come to me for coaching/counseling/meditation assistance.  We'll get to the bottom of it.

Just wanted to make sure…did you know that I do phone sessions for career, life direction, and relationship counseling? Don't let the fact that you don't live in Houston stop you from working with me…(yes, yes, a great excuse, right? "Well, I'd love to work with Heidi, but she lives in HOUSTON…) Well, I have many good recommendations from my long-distance clients that the coaching and counseling works well with them. I even can do Soul Whispers sessions by phone, or even while you're sleeping.

 So stop procrastinating and indulge in some help, inspiration, and old-fashioned support. If you need some testing to determine your life/career direction, I have them. Plus a lot of other tricks up my sleeve that you'll enjoy and that will expand and uplift your spirit. 

 Check my website for more information about all of my services.

 I'll look forward to your call (or e-mail, of course!)

h. 

Long ago and far away (I love that phrase, it has nothing to do with this article really ), I read an article in which a woman talked of a 10-day retreat. As she spoke of her days of being pampered, going within, and exploring what she really wanted to do in life, I became totally envious. Her experience felt so luxurious. Why? This woman was claiming her right to relax and to have a rich inner life. And it's something most of us find hard to do.

We know that it's good to take time for ourselves. We try to have inner lives. But unfortunately, we live in a society that basically expects us to go go go. So I'm not surprised that when I suggest to a stressed out, anxious client that they need to take a break, they quickly answer "I have no time," "I just can't leave work right now", or version 100 of "my family/husband/mother needs me".

But when will there be time? If we don't put our own self care, and the care of our souls as top priority, how can we expect to continually have energy for others?

In order to have a long-term base of energy, we need time to rest from the stressors of life, to nurture ourselves. We need to acknowledge that we aren't robots who can continue clicking away in the same routine, with the same amount of energy every day (high and intense, of course) for years on end.

We also need time to rejoice in the wonderful things that we've created; to be grateful for the the things we've done. Appreciating where we've been, and the gifts we have will form a wonderful base for knowing what the next steps can be in our lives.

While most of us wouldn't expect to start a new business without taking some time to define what it is that we intend to do, we often expect ourselves to live our lives with little time to explore our essence and the path we want to take.

If we're to live our Truth, become who we want to be, and create lives that truly benefit others,  we must have time to discover who we are. We need time to see what's keeping us from being our ultimate selves, what isn't working in our lives, and what to do next.  

A few years ago, I was very much in need of a retreat. I had been through a series of life changing events, and looking back, can see that I was obviously experiencing a major shift in my life. I couldn't acknowledge it though. Through crisis after crisis, I thought that if I just kept on working and persevering, toughing out the hard stuff, that this phase would soon be through.  I could then get back to my "normal" life. I didn't realize my "normal" life was over.

I look at that time and ask myself why I didn't stop to take a break. Finances, of course. Or so I told myself. How could I justify "taking time off" when I needed to bring in new clients, pay for home repairs, and replace my stolen car?

Of course these things were important. But there was something deeper at work, something else that was keeping me from taking time for myself, from stepping out and living a life of Truth.

It was called the "good person syndrome."  

In the "good person syndrome," the outer world takes priority. We make decisions based on what we've always been rewarded for being: "good." And being good usually involves living like everyone around us.  It leaves little permission for us to connect with our inner lives, find our true desires, and then test out what we really believe is our unique way to contribute to the world.

Do you have the "good person syndrome"? Check and see if the following (faulty) unconscious personal rules may be why you, too, find it hard to make time for retreat:  

1.         Your life goals should not be based on happiness. Concepts like life purpose and soul satisfaction are for wimps and new-agers. You have a "station" in life, and it's wasteful dreaming to strive for anything better. Having a job and being able to pay the bills is the most you could ask for. You should be grateful; expecting more from life is frivolous.

2.         Happiness comes from fulfilling your life's role. And you should stick to only one role. Don't have a lot of different interests, it's confusing and defines you as a flake. Oh, and by the way, don't think you can choose your role. Do what is "right": what your parents, friends, and neighbors approve of. (Breadwinner role is the ultimate.)

3.         You should always make everyone else happy first. You can do things for yourself only in the time left over (but of course, there's rarely time left over.)  Claiming the right to nurture yourself or question what you really want in life is selfish.

4.         Making a living and having money is the highest priority, regardless of whether it wears you out physically, or erases your spirit. Even if you're having an emotional break-down or heading for major illness, you must persevere.

Have you believed these things? Can you see how they would stop you? After years of being rewarded by living them (what a good person you are!) no wonder your people pleaser rebels when you think of taking time for yourself.

So how "good" are you? Is it time to be "bad" and take a break?

I think it's time to examine your need to be "good." Where does it serve you? When is it knee-jerk, and not really helping anyone? Are you protecting and conserving your energy so you can take care of those you love, or are you letting it leak (or gush) out leaving you weak and cranky?

It's time for personal reflection, nurturing, & self-discovery. Whether it's in the form of just 5 minutes' meditation, an interesting class, energy work, or a nurturing retreat, plan for your relaxation & rejuvenation.

Reflect on your reasons for putting this off. Give that programmed self a holiday. And begin to create a new way of being "good," releasing your unique spirit, talents, and the love you have inside.

Take a retreat…take time to be "bad." Can you find the time?

Woke up, it was a Chelsea morning and the first thing that I…
Oops! Wrong song Let me try again.

Woke up, it was a Tuesday morning and the first thing that I felt…was discouragement.

Yes, discouragement. That dragging, cynical, nothing's ever going to work state of mind, where you start wondering why you're even trying.

I can't say I was surprised. I felt it coming. The day before it seemed everything went wrong; then the night came complete with bad dreams. Not exactly the formula for glowing happiness. But not earthshaking either, and certainly not anything
to change your life for. Just enough to trigger that pesky discouragement.

I'm sure you've also woken up discouraged…and then what did you do? Probably you soldiered on: smiling when people asked how you were, trudging ahead with the expected, all the while feeling that you must be the only one who has voices in your head saying you're doomed, it's just a matter of time, the sky is falling NOW.

I want to offer a different route. Which begins by reminding you of this: You're not the only one who gets discouraged. Especially if you're trying to make changes in your life, discouragement seems to be just part of the process. 

You'll have good days, you'll have bad; you'll have confidence, you'll have doubts. Part of becoming who we are involves encountering new adventures. While we hope they're always peak experiences, our growth and discovery come from the downsides too.

There's nothing wrong with minimizing discourage- ment, though, or having some tricks to get out of that state of mind, yes? So, drawing from my own day of discouragement, I thought I'd share with you some helpful perspectives and tips for moving out of the "doom state" and bringing in those peak experiences again.

1.         Step One: Basic Truth: Discouragement is a state of mind.

 
Feeling discouraged doesn't equal reality. By that I mean that if you feel like the world is falling down around you, it isn't necessarily true. It's just what your mind is choosing to think about reality on this particular day.

Listen to your mind. What is it saying? Typical statements are "I'll never be able to get past this." "This relationship will never work." "I'll be stuck forever." Has your life really changed that differently from two days ago when you were feeling positive, anticipating that things would work out, and having a good day?

Probably not. You may just be tired, needing support, or had a small setback, and that is triggering your negative mind talk.

You don't' have to change that mind talk right now. Just be aware that that's all it is: talk. It's not reality, it's a bad habit that you're learning to change, and we're going to find ways to get past it.

2.         Step Two: Allow yourself to be discouraged.

Our natural tendency when we're feeling bad is to deny the feeling, or to try to make it go away immediately. I'm not telling you to have a full blown pity party, but it's important to acknowledge your feelings. You're human! You have ups and downs, good days and bad days, and you really shouldn't try to be a robot. If you have to cry, do it. If you want to slam some pans around, or yell in the shower, do it. Recognize your feeling, so you can truly move past it, not make it go away and have it pop up inconveniently later in the day.

3.         Step Three:    Lower your Expectations Temporarily.

I'm not a morning person. I can get up early if it's required, but have to admit that even when I'm going on vacation to a place I'm really excited about, I don't jump out of bed with excitement. I don't know about you, but somewhere along the childhood path I got the message that I was supposed to be like Doris Day, flinging open the windows with the birds chirping and the sun shining. I can do that at 10 am, but rarely early in the morning, even on a good day. So if you wake up discouraged, don't try to meet that bright and sunny expectation. Allow yourself to be quiet, a little tired, and ease into the day.

4.         Step Four:      Change Up Your Routine.

This one may sound silly to you, but it works. Deliberately do things throughout the day that are different from your usual actions. If it's a work day, drive a different route. Take your lunch at a different time, or go to someplace you haven't been before. Even if you eat your lunch at home, go sit someplace different, or take it outside.

Discouragement is usually accompanied by the thought "This is never going to end, this is never going to change." So change your day to show your mind that it's wrong, even if it's a small start.

5.         Step Five:      Get Active.

Have you ever seen a hyperactive discouraged person? I think not. The feeling of discouragement usually slows you down physically. You may feel like doing nothing.

It's your call. Sometimes what you need is rest, and that will pull you out of your slump. But if you've rested and you still feel bad, then take some action. Endorphins are real:  their release during exercise really does make you feel better! Take a walk, do some yoga, swim, run… get your energy going.

If you can do something that has a tangible result, do it. Wash your car, clean your house, go run the errands you've been putting off. If you're at work, do something that is pleasurable, short, and has a definite end. Sometimes merely getting into physical action, especially something you enjoy, will shift your discouragement without your having to change anything.

6.         Step Six: Change Your Self Talk

If you've done all of the above, and still feel discouraged, it's time to look at your self talk again. Be sure to add this step to your action solution. We don't want you washing the car and repeating the mantra "I'm a failure, life sucks, things will never change."

What we do want is for you to be washing the car saying, "This is just temporary, this is not my whole life, there are solutions." Hey, get radical, and add some more positive thoughts: "I'm a great person no matter what is happening. I have value.  I have the power to change things."

The point is to remember that anything your mind is saying is not reality, it's just talk. The future's just an idea, no one really knows what will happen. And who says it has to be the negative outcome? If you're going to believe that whatever you say to yourself is true, then at least add the positive potential for reality into the mix.

Try this: for every negative prediction you say to yourself, you must next say the opposite. And then try to let your body feel the positive just as intensely as you've been feeling the negative.

7.         Step Seven: Get Some Help and Support

Hmm, still discouraged. OK, consider some new ways to be supported.  It's time to stop doing it alone. What might help to move you away from this state you're in? Do you need counseling, someone to help you get out of your confusion and see your options more clearly? Do you need to talk to your boss and let them know what's not working? Is it time to sit down and get honest with your spouse about something that's really important to you?

There's usually more than one solution to a problem. When you feel discouraged, it's often because you keep on trying the same one solution, instead of changing things up. Go back to step four, and apply it to your specific problem: what haven't you tried yet that may need trying?

8.         Step Eight: Apply Your Spiritual Practice

I can't tell you how often I have to remind people (and myself!) to use the spiritual practice they're aligned with. Do you believe in prayer? Ask for help! Have you been learning to meditate? Sit down and do it! Use that practice.

I'll never forget the time I was in the middle of an intense day of self-doubt, and a friend looked straight at me and said, "How's your faith?" It was a great reminder to go back to my values and my own spiritual belief system for support. We are not our material world challenges, we are spirit. Don't forget it.

9.         Step Nine: Remember, Tomorrow is Another Day

I used to think that Scarlett's grand pronouncement in the movie Gone with the Wind was such a naive thing to say. But actually, as long as you don't use it continually to avoid a problem, it can be quite helpful.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to wait and see what tomorrow brings. Take one step today, have a good dinner, some time with friends, a good night's sleep, and often you will then have new energy to bring to your challenge the next day.

"Patience, grasshopper." Be thankful for what you have now, take one step at a time, and look ahead to your future good.   

Heidi Straube, M.Ed., LPC

Copyright 2007

"Honoring Inner. Creating Outer" has been my tag line for some time now.

While it was originally designed to reflect my work in counseling and healing, where I help others to find their inner essence and express it in the outer world, it also serves to describe all of the other ways that I facilitate bringing inner truth and beauty into the outer world.

So with that in mind, please allow me to to introduce you to a visual expression of "Honoring Inner. Creating Outer.": My work in photography.

I've had a photography business for some time now, although I put it on hold for a few years as I took a break to live in New Mexico, work on my book, and generally regroup. But I'm back, and happy to be actively shooting for people again. I'll have a separate website soon dedicated to this, with its own blog, but in the meantime, here's the latest for you to to explore and enjoy…

Start with my original photography website here (on first page, click on "Portraiture.") You'll find samples of the work I've done with children, adults, and some traveling and serendipitous photos. All of these photos were shot in natural light, and hand printed by me in museum quality style.

While this website reflects my black and white work, I'm now also shooting in color digital. I'll have a  new photo website soon that will give you some samples of that work. In the meantime, you can see some of my color images at my two photo blogs, one in Greece , and one I've called the "Spiritual Traveler. "

When you've seen all of the still images you can handle, check out my sample "muvee." This is for those of you who want a memento of the event or family gathering that you would like to keep in your heart through pictures. I come and shoot the gathering, and then make a short muvee which you can keep for yourself, give to those who attended, and also give to those who couldn't. (Single photos are also available.) You can see a sample  here .

(It takes about 3 minutes to download this muvee…I've given you a full product sample. I'll be posting a shorter sample this week.)

I didn't want to neglect those of you who also yearn to "honor inner and create outer" (yes, you, the creative type!) So I'm also offering photography classes, including private instruction. I'm even available as your own personal muse!

A full listing of services is here.

Enjoy! Celebrate!

And call me when you, too, are ready to participate in the visual version of "Honoring Inner. Creating Outer."

The holidays are over, 2006 has passed, and the New Year has begun. And as you start the year, you remember all of the things you've been putting off but still intend to do.  

Your tendency now is to jump in, ramp up that energy, and tackle what has been lacking.

But is this the best way to start the year?

Let's look at how you've been treating yourself. You've been running fast through the holidays, rising to the occasion, pushing yourself just a little harder to do something special….you did it!…and now when it's over, instead of taking a break, resting , and reflecting….you're jumping back up and running again.

It's a never ending cycle, eventually exhausting.  Is this how you really want to continue living your life?    

I'd like to propose a new priority this year, a different kind of New Year's resolution.

It may be exactly opposite from what you "think" you should do right now. But trust me; it can change your life. Here's the new resolution:

Slow Down. Relax. And Listen to Your Soul.

It's time to slow down, honor yourself and listen to what you really need. This is the perfect time to relax, claim your life, and reflect on what that means. Then, more clear and rested, you can start the new chapter of your life.

What am I calling the Soul? Of course there are many interpretations of the word, but I imagine it as the energetic piece of us that holds our Truth. It's the part of us that really knows what is needed and has the capacity to lead us to the highest calling in our lives.

The soul doesn't belong to any specific religion. It's personal, our own connection with the Divine, Intuition, or Knowing. If we listen, it will always point us in the direction that we know is how we truly want to be.

Think about the word "Soulful". What does it bring to mind? I have visions of people dancing, happy, full of life, and in touch with their greatest possibilities. Or I imagine a person with deep, deep love, bottomless compassion, and a vast understanding of the wonder and beauty of life. Whatever your version of "soulful;" it's usually quite appealing.

With such wonderful associations, you'd think it would be natural to put Soul connection as a top priority. Why, then, might you find it difficult to take even 5 minutes a day to slow down and listen?

Here are some thoughts and solutions to help you put soul listening as your top New Year's resolution:

1.     Barrier: In today's world, you receive far more support for your outer actions than your inner reflections.

Plain and simple, you'll get a whole lot more attention from people if you tell them, "I just made $5,000 today" or "I completed the project this afternoon" than if you say, "I just finished talking to my soul." Unfortunately, taking time to go within, becoming clear on who we are, and finding best action are not highly supported in this go go world. But the benefit is clear: the more you take time to reflect and be congruent with who you really are, the more you'll find yourself being clear, confident, and attracting best results.

The greatest leaders of the world did not accomplish what they did by continually going and going. They also spent quiet time reflecting, assessing, and considering "right action."

Solution: Honor your life choices as being just as important as world decisions. Balance the time you spend "doing" with time spent listening inside.

2.     Barrier: Listening to your soul may bring you thoughts you don't really want to hear.

While getting in touch with your soul sounds like a lovely, blissful experience, sometimes it will lead you to places you've been trying to avoid. You may, for example, know that your relationship is in trouble. You've been putting it off, but your soul says it's time to talk. You're scared and afraid of painful results…now you wish you had never slowed down and listened!

What kind of pain do you prefer? The long, drawn out kind which never stops, or the shorter, intense kind that has better things come afterward? Listening to your soul and acting on its guidance may cause disruption in your life, but it also brings a relief and opportunity for good that is blocked when you hold onto the old things that aren't working.

Solution: Remind yourself that the most spiritual thing you can do in life is to truly be all that you are. If you live your full potential, you will naturally be taking right action, and serving others.  Whether in career, marriage, or lifestyle, if you stay true to your soul, you will open the way for new, positive possibilities that are currently beyond your imagination.  

3.     Barrier: You may not be listening because you don't know how.

It's hard to hear inner guidance if you don't know how to do it. Has anyone ever taught you how to listen to your soul?

Start by noticing how your body feels when you're making a decision. Have you noticed how relaxed it feels when the decision is "right", and how tense you feel when you know you're not really behind what you've acted on? That's your soul talking through your body. It also talks to you through prayer and meditation.

Solution: Trust the signals of your body, and act on them more often. Pay attention to and use your intuition. Find a teacher, healer, or meditation class where you can explore soul listening more deeply. Honor your need for this skill just as much as your need for food on the table, and a roof over your head.

The ancient shamans believed that when a person was stressed, unhappy, or ill, it was because their soul was lost. The shaman's task was to go find the soul, and return it to the body.

I believe that your soul is probably not lost, but is more likely neglected and wandering because of your busy life. If you're willing to slow down and take time to listen, your soul will speak, guide you, and help you live the way you really want to live.

Slow down, relax, and listen. May 2007 be your most "soulful" year ever.

Heidi Straube, M.Ed., LPC has been helping people for over 20 years to live the lives they yearn for. A licensed psychotherapist, contemporary shaman, and healer, she gives "Soul Whispers" readings, sessions of relaxation, inspiration, and counseling to help people to slow down, listen, and be guided in career, relationships, and lifestyle choices. Call 713.521.1676 for appointments, visit  http://www.heidistraube.com/,  and register for her free teleseminar, "Have You Listened to Your Soul Lately? How to Hear the Whispers of your Soul and Guide your Life", January 17, 2007, from 7-8 PM CT.