Heidi Straube

(Click here to see my photos and stories) As part of a major leap in changing my own life, I spent a month in Greece. The only things I planned ahead were my flight to get there, two nights in Athens, and my return flight. The rest of the time I followed my heart: constantly meeting people, and indulging my interests in local music, food, beaches, and culture.  It was a perfect break from all of the scheduling and responsibilities I had lived with for years. I had craved more time to totally dance with the Unknown and go with the Flow…and this was a perfect place to do it. Of course, there were some hairy times; I can tell you those stories later. But do go to my Heido in Greece blog and take note of the stories of the family that invited me on the spot to their Sunday dinner when I stopped to ask for directions, or the goat herder and his mother who shared their sorrow at a son's death, and made sure that I had snacks for the rest of my long drive that evening. These are the experiences that I believe are waiting for us everywhere, if we can only make time to relax, open the space, and allow them in. I'll be going back again (soon!) and will be taking others..so let me know if you're interested!

Breathe deeply. And relax. Now close your eyes, and see if you can find that feeling inside, that yearning, child-like feeling, that knows, just knows, that there is something better in life than what you are living now. It may occur as a fleeting thought, an opening in your heart, or a full fledged tearfulness, but do know this, however you experience it: This feeling is real. It is not to be denied. And it is something that you can do something about. This feeling is to be honored, for it is your true self asking for a place in the world. So why not give it the place it deserves? 

Perhaps you are reading this because your life has already changed drastically, possibly not even by choice: a job change, an illness, or perhaps a death in the family. Or you have picked up this book because you are searching, wanting the expression of your authentic self, seeking an alternative to a life that was supposed to be fulfilling, but has turned out not to be what you expected. 

Don’t worry. Relax again. All of your experiences have been practice, learning tools, or wonderful experiences that have brought you to where you are today, now, reading these lines. All of your experiences have led to this moment where you can feel hope that maybe this time, finally, you will find the help you have been looking for, the inspiration that will bring you back to the self that used to be happy, the self that knows the reality of joyous energy, but has gotten lost or exhausted along the way. 

This is an invitation to change your life. Really, finally, deeply. In this book, I will show you a new way of living, a way that can be both joyous and terrifying, easy and hard, obvious and confusing, but totally satisfying.  I will show you the signposts along the way, give you the tools to create what you want, and share my personal experiences of living this way.  I want this book to be your inspiration, the influence that finally convinces you to take the next step:  to claim your life, to honor what is inside of you and to create an outer reality that supports you. I want this to be a keepsake, a mini-guide, and a companion to remind you that you are not alone in your yearning. There are others out there who are living the inner life, there are ways to do it, and there is a place for you in this adventure. 

- Heidi L.. Straube, M.Ed.,LPC 

You come home from work, exhausted. Your mind says “I just can’t do this anymore.” You yearn for a better life, more satisfaction, more time for yourself.  Are you just having a bad day? Or is it time for a change? 

Often our lives change automatically because of outside events. Lay-offs, college graduations, illness, divorce, or transfers to another part of the world force us to live differently and establish new routines. But has life really changed? On the outside things are different, but inside we may still be unhappy. 

Whether we are choosing to change our lives, or have had a life transition enforced upon us, we need to ask the question: “What do I really want? Do I want a continuation of the same, or is this my opportunity to make my life the way I wish it would be?” 

Let’s look at some “warning signals” that it is time for you to make some changes in your life. Check the ones that apply to you.

1. You wake up in the morning. Instead of feeling excitement and purpose, you feel nothing, or depressed.
2. You often think, “Is this all there is?”
3. You see other people making changes in their lives, and you feel envious.
4. Situations that you used to tolerate have become unbearable to you.
5. You feel invisible, and feel that if you vanished off the face of the earth no one would even notice.
6. You feel like you are just living to work, rather than working to live
7. You find yourself spending money on things that make you happy temporarily, but later cause you stress or aren’t fun anymore.
8. You always do what you “should” do, rather than doing what you “want” to do
9. You look around you and question how you ever got to this place in your life
10. You have a dream that will be unattainable unless you start going toward it soon
11. Your significant other tells you you’re no fun anymore
12. You feel a calling, either spiritual or worldly, but you don’t know how to express it. You fear sharing it, because others will not understand.
13. You just KNOW it is time for a change.

How did you do? If you found any of the above warning signals to be true for you, I encourage you to consider the possibility that it is time for some changes in your life. The more items you checked, the more it appears that change is in the air. 

Don’t start getting fearful! Instead, get excited that there are new things out there that will make you happier, more satisfied, and will give you back that great energy and anticipation that you used to feel when you woke up in the morning. Change is not a bad word; not living to your inner Truth is. Be happy, take courage, and look forward to the next step.

Think of yourself in the middle of a river, floating peacefully, enjoying the feel of the current as it carries you along. The water is cool and refreshing; your ride is effortless. As you lie on your back, you feel the sun on your face and hear the birds chirping around you. You are totally content with the world.

Now imagine that suddenly, as you're in this wonderful, effortless space, something comes from beneath you and pops you out of the water, leaving you on the river bank, rattled and dazed. You feel the hardness of the earth, the shock of being out of the river, the confusion of things suddenly not being what they were. What would you want to do next? Get back into the river, of course, get back into that flow. Who would choose being on the hard riverbank, bruised and confused, over the soothing river current, with its ease and beautiful scenery?

When you are making a life transition or a major life change, your experience is often that of having been flung up on the riverbank. You experience the impact of awareness, the shock of change, and the disorientation of the unfamiliar. You want to get back to what feels good.  As you puzzle out what to do next, what you are really trying to do is to get back into the water, back into what I call the Flow.

The Flow is a combination of physical relaxation, mental stability, spiritual connection, and overall expansiveness. When you are in the Flow, your intuition is fully engaged. You trust in the way your life is going, you know your decisions are the right ones, and you are sure that all will be well. Life seems almost magical as everything falls into place without striving and stressing.

 People experience the Flow when they are creating a piece of art, dancing, making the perfect jump shot, or saying the wisest thing in a business meeting without even thinking. It is that connection of Spirit and physical world, where the body, mind, and soul work together perfectly.

So how do we get back into the Flow? How do we get from the riverbed back into the river? Through meditation.

If you are truly sincere about wanting to align your Spirit and physical world, you must meditate. I previously hesitated to say this to my clients, because I didn't want to infringe on their personal or religious beliefs, and wanted to honor their personalities and ways of doing things. But I am now certain that meditation is essential to the process of change.

Making meditation one of your first steps on the road to changing your life is probably one of the most important, tangible actions you can take. If you want your life to reflect your true self, how can you expect to know what the true self is if you don't take time out to discover it? If you want to change the patterns of your life, how can you expect to do so without taking time to reflect, recognize those patterns, and become aware of your own personal way to the Flow?

You must meditate.

Ok, with that being said, don't freak out now, fearing that in order to truly change your life you'll have to be an ascetic monk, chanting OM on a mountaintop and denying yourself all earthly pleasures. Meditation can take many forms! At its most basic, it's simply taking time to be peaceful, still the mind, and remember what it feels like to be in the river. At the other end of the spectrum, meditation can be used to ask yourself questions, and to discover solutions that are unique to your path and your personal flow. 

In Buddhism there is a concept called "beginning again." It is about recognizing that in each moment we have an opportunity to begin again, create what is right for us, and take actions in ways that we feel happy about. Meditation is another form of "beginning again." We clear the mind and create a space that allows new forms of thought, new realizations, and new energy.

We'll talk more about meditation in a future article; however, I would like you to get a little taste of it now. The following meditation is a simple technique that can be used any time you are stressed or wanting to renew your feeling of Flow. Try it for 5 minutes at any time of day; you will find it instantly relaxes you. Practice it for 7-11 minutes every day and you will find your path of transition become clearer and smoother.

Meditation: Creating Peace

Get in a comfortable position. Some people prefer the classic meditation form, sitting cross-legged on the floor, arms straight, wrists on the knees, fingers relaxed. You may also, however, meditate lounging in a chair, or lying on your bed (just don't fall asleep!). 

Now close your eyes and take a deep breath. Allow your body to relax as you exhale. Once again, breathe deeply, hold the breath for a count of 3, then exhale and relax. Imagine that as you exhale you are clearing your mind of worries, and worldly distractions, and creating a space for peace and new beginnings.

After taking a few more breaths, imagine what it would feel like to be in a state of peace. Just take the word "peace" and repeat it silently to yourself. Each time you say the word feel the sensation of what peace feels like to you. You may want to visualize a situation where you have felt peaceful before. The emphasis is on feeling peace, totally bringing it into your body as well as your mind. Breathe, feel it inside and out. Continue for as much time as you like.

When you are ready, end by taking a deep breath, and holding it; then as you let it out, spread your peaceful feeling to the space and people around you. Feel the peacefulness at your navel point and heart, spreading throughout your body. Know that as you have created 5 minutes of peace, so you can create more things in your life in this manner.

Many people say that they want to change their lives. I'm sure they mean what they say, but sometimes I wonder: do they truly want to make a change or does the idea just sound good at the time? Many changes look quite attractive in the imagination; the experience of creating them can be very different. While life transitions can be exciting, and can bring you magical experiences, miracles and joy, they also potentially can bring fear, confusion and frustration along the way.

 The clearer you are about why you are making a change, who you want to become, and what spiritual source you are drawing from, the more pleasurable your transition will be. I want you to have a wonderful life, and a smooth transition. So to consciously begin your personal change process, I want you to answer the following question:

             What do you want? What do you really want?

 
Our minds love to gather information. But in the process of doing their job, they often confuse and overwhelm us by bringing in too much information; pointing out all of the things that we could potentially have. Watching TV, reading magazines and books, seeing what others have and do: If we allow all into our consciousness, we start believing that we must have everything. Especially on a bad day, everything out there looks much better than what we have; of course we want a change.

 Much of what we think we want, however, is just "surface" desire. We imagine things to make us happy, while in fact they are not the substance of what we are looking for. To make the changes in your life that will truly make an impact at the deep level you desire, you must wade through many distractions and find out what is most important to you. Then, and only then, can you make the decisions that will point you in the direction that is right for you, and provide the staying power needed when the change process gets challenging.

 Let's begin with an exercise for you to play with as you begin to explore what changes you really want to make in your life. In your special journal (you have bought a special journal for this adventure, haven't you? Ok, paper/computer works too) write:

  "What I want is ________"

 Now list all of the things that come to mind as you fill in the blank. Make your list as comprehensive as possible and as long as necessary. Brainstorm with nothing barred, even if what comes to mind seems impossible, would raise some eyebrows or might invite judgment from others. Include the following areas:

 1.                  Material things that you are pining for (more money, a new house, great stereo)

 2.                  Experiences that you would like (more travel, bigger social life, special relationship, good health)

3.                  Emotions you would like to be feeling (happiness, expansiveness, generosity, self-confidence, love)

 Some of you may have trouble making your list. Don't despair. Sometimes we have become so focused on what is not working in our lives that our brains refuse to think about what we might like in future. We have stopped allowing ourselves to even hope. Let's wake up the enthusiastic dreamer by working from the other direction. Fill in this blank: "What I don't want is ________." Then write the opposite. (Example: What I don't want are my current financial worries; reverse to what I do want is to wake up in the morning in a positive, hopeful frame of mind.)

 Now, review your writing. Dream a little; enjoy all of the things that you have listed. Revel in the feeling you would have if all or even some of these things were in your life. Go ahead: feel it, taste it, be it.

 Now we're going deeper. We are not interested in the fantasy game that you have played many times before: you make a list, say "wouldn't it be nice" and then go back to your usual life. We want to get to the richer, deeper part of you that knows what is needed, that yearns for what would really satisfy your soul.

 Take a deep breath. Be relaxed. Now, staying in your reflective, meditative space, write the following sentence:

 "All of those things on my list are great. But what I really want is ________________."

 Write the first thing that comes to mind. Once again, do not edit or block what comes from your pen or fingers. Don't be surprised if you feel a sudden surge of energy, a click of relaxation or contentment. If your soul has allowed itself to speak, you will find that what goes in this blank is most likely what you want and need from your transition. This is the change that you most want to make.  After all of the other brainstorming, this is what will be worth your time, energy, risk and dedication.

 When we think of changing our lives, what often comes to our minds first masks the essence of what we really want. Yes, you may want a different job, but it is because you really want less stress, more free time, or recognition. More money would be great, but adventure, peace, or love may really be what you are looking for. Once you identify the essence of what you want, there are many different ways to satisfy it. Understanding this, you don't change your job and move to a different state, only to depressingly find that you still have too much stress, and are never at home.

As you identify the true essence of what you need, you will spend less time on outer goals that don't bring you the results you desire. As you allow your inner truth to speak, you become clearer on where to spend your time and what things to change.

 In the next few weeks, pay attention to what you do each day. Notice where you choose to spend your time. Do your actions reflect your answers to "What I really want is _______"? Reflect on what you value most. You are beginning to create a life that is truly you.